34 lessons I would share with my younger self
Some important things I've been lucky to learn before it was too late, and some silly things too.
Today, I turn 34.
No, I don’t have anything figured out yet, and I'm not even sure I ever will. Maybe figuring it out is not even what we're here for.
I do have learned a few lessons here and there. Some of them I wish I had known sooner. But for the most part, I’ve enjoyed making my own mistakes.
So, to celebrate another kinda arbitrary milestone, here are 34 lessons that I’ve found helpful. Some of them might work for you. Take out of them whatever you feel is important for you. And if you think any of this might cheer up someone you love, feel free to send them this list.
(Don’t credit me if you don’t want to, but I’d appreciate it if you do.)
Love.
Be kind to others. Everyone is going through some shit as tough as yours, and some are going through even worse shit. And yes, some are just morons. But most of the time, you don’t know who’s going through what. It costs nothing to be kind, and it can mean the world to that other person.
Be kind to yourself also. Sleep well. Give yourself some treats from time to time. Buy cool stuff you don't really need just because you can afford it. You deserve it.
Eat healthy. Your body is a vessel for your mind. Until you can upload your mind to a different body –and would that still be you?– you’re stuck in this one body. You might as well take care of it.
Exercise. Even just stretching in the morning and walking a little more can make a huge difference. And you’re not getting any younger.
Read good books: There is nothing comparable to the magic of being transported to someone else’s mind. Your brain is the most impressive machine we know, and deep down, it is an experience generator. The best writers know how to tune it to produce the most incredible experiences you won’t find anywhere in real life, television, cinema, videogames, or anywhere else.
Read bad books too. What is a bad book anyway? If you enjoy it, that’s all that matters. Same with movies, music, or anything else. Good taste is a social construction.
Learn to say no more often than you currently do. Most of the things people ask you, they don’t really care anyway. They just ask because it costs them close to nothing.
Have a dog, or a cat, or a turtle, or a penguin. A cute little animal that waits for you at home and is always happy to see you. Or an ugly one, it doesn’t matter. That kind of happiness is contagious, and healing, and you’ll be thankful some days that you have it.
Have children, as there is no happiness comparable to seeing them happy and no pain comparable to seeing them in pain. Children expand the range of emotions you can feel to extremes you can’t imagine.
Be a mentor to someone. Or many, if possible. Not just because helping others is intrinsically good, but also because you'll also learn and grow from that relationship more than you can imagine.
Spend as much time as you can with your parents. Chances are, over 90% of the total time you will spend with them in your lifetime, you already did. What’s left is a few fleeting moments that you’ll treasure once they aren’t around. And trust me, if everything goes as they expect, they won’t be around for a significant part of your life.
Assume the best of people, because most of them are really just trying their best. When someone does something awful, assume ignorance before malice.
But don’t take shit. Even stupid people can cause a lot of harm. Actually, they often cause more harm than plain evil people.
Make plans, because not having plans just puts you under the control of others’ plans. Fill in your calendar with the stuff you want to do, so you don't end up doing what others want by accident.
But acknowledge that there is little you can control beyond your reaction to things, and even that one is pretty elusive. No plan survives reality untouched.
Dare to dream as if your dreams could become true. Most of them won’t, but the horizon isn’t there so we can one day reach it. It is there so we don’t stop walking.
And follow your passions, even if they have nothing to do with your career or lifelong plan. Even more, if that’s the case. Take whatever little time you can and do something you love, just for the sake of doing it, regardless of whether it seems like a waste of time.
But be pragmatic, which basically just means calibrating your expectations to reality. Understand that most of your dreams won’t ever come true, and you can’t even know which one will. Be ready to cut the rope when they’ve stopped pushing you forward and start pulling you from behind.
Find someone to spend your life with because life is too good a thing to be spent alone. The best things in life are only meaningful when shared.
But don’t spend your life searching, because the perfect person is not simply found out there. You make them perfect. Maybe that imperfect person you already know is just the right one.
Have friends. Close or distant. Funny or serious. Friends are the family we get to choose, and sometimes, the only family we are eventually left with.
And have enemies because if not having friends is sad, not having enemies is even sadder.
But turn your enemies into your friends if you can. Remember, everyone is going through some shit. They probably are, too.
Pay a third if you can. Someone is always worse, and every little bit counts. One day, an unknown person will help you in ways you can’t repay them. Instead, do the same for someone who can't repay you back.
Charge for your work. It’s probably worth more than you think it is, and if you don’t value it, why would anyone else?
Be informed. The world is a wonderfully weird place, and information is your best tool for navigating it.
But be skeptical of almost everything everyone tells you. Most people aren’t consciously lying, but we all overestimate how much we think we know. Skepticism is not about disbelief. It’s about acknowledging there’s more we don’t know than we do, and calibrating our beliefs to the available evidence.
Trust your instincts. You are the latest descendant of a long chain of living things that got here mostly by instinct. This is the gift of evolution. You know how to do this shit. You got this.
But keep your biases in check because those same instincts can fail catastrophically in weird circumstances. And we are living in the weirdest possible world.
Take risks from time to time. Risky as they are, some of them will backfire. But many small bets are better than a few big ones. And if you get the math right —it’s not that hard— you can tame the beast of randomness in your favor.
Write online about anything you find interesting. There are a few weirdos out there who will love to read it, doesn’t matter how stupid or lame your writing seems. And here’s a secret: you can learn to write well. Anyone can.
Cry whenever you need to. If there’s someone you can cry with, even better. If not, cry with your dog (I did tell you to get a dog!) It’s therapeutic, and we have tears for a reason. You’ll be marveled at how many problems disappear after a good cry. The ones that remain, those are the ones that matter.
Smile as much as you can. Even if you think there is no reason to do so, look around. There’s a blue sky, and a Sun, and plants, and bees, and rain, and stars, and a fucking huge Moon, and… people, lots of weird, flawed, beautiful people, and some of them are happier because you exist. Smile, because there are a million reasons to, and not doing it can only make things worse.
And have fun! Life is too short, so wherever you are, whatever you’re going through at this moment in your life, please, please try to enjoy the ride. It may be the only meaningful way to live.
PS: This is a somewhat silly post, so don’t take it too seriously. If anything above resonates with you, and you think it can help someone you love, feel free to share it with them.
Thanks for sharing your soul with us
Hey Alejandro! Happiest birthday to you! I just loved this one. I'll be sharing this for sure! :)